After a busy week of running around, Saturday is the perfect day for reflecting on my life and things that transpired during the past week. This reflection has given birth to a series of posts called “Sappy Saturday”.
My oldest child recently graduated from high school, and now that college is less than a month away, we seem to be arguing more instead of enjoying these last few weeks together as a family, and it is breaking my heart. The arguments run the gamut, from the state of his room (which is never clean), to his spending almost all of his free time away from home. I have to wonder is this bickering normal? Are we going through some pre-college arguing ritual, whose sole purpose is to keep up from missing each other too much when dorm move-in day comes? I am not sure if that is the case, but whatever it is, I do not like it, not at all.
Ask my oldest, B1, and he will tell you that I love to argue, but, believe me, that is not true. I am just so worried about the future, about his future, that it is causing me to lose my mind in the present. Should I stress out about the state of his room? Don’t all 18-year-old American males keep their rooms messy? I am sure that most, if not all, are sloppy, but I HATE sloppy! Should I stress out because all of his free time is spent with the girlfriend and not us, his family? Are most recent high school graduates spending the summer before college hanging with the friends that they most likely will not see again until Thanksgiving or Christmas? According to B1, he has spent 18 years with his family and he only has a month left with his girlfriend. Point taken, but I feel slightly abandoned. Wow, I feel silly saying that. Then, there is all of the stuff that needs to be done before school. Should I stress out that his “to-do” list is nowhere near done? He says that he will get it all done, not to worry. I ask, why can he not just get it done NOW?!?
I feel like I am losing my baby and it may be my fault. I do not want to be one of those moms who only yell, but lately, my relationship with B1 has turned into an argument fest. I do not want him to leave soon, all too happy to get away from his overly critical mother. So, I made a decision, I have to let go. No, I am not letting go of B1, but of my expectations for B1. It is so funny that we raise our kids to be independent thinkers, but when those thoughts happen to be in direct contradiction of our thoughts, we get upset. I want B1 to want to come home to visit, so I am going to back off. I can live with a messy room for three more weeks. I will plan more family activities, which include the girlfriend, so that he is home more. As for the to-do list? As he said, he is 18, so it is time for him to live with the consequences of his actions. I hope he gets it all done!